What David did, what David's done and what David is going to do.
So, you may or may not have seen this macro doing the rounds.
It is meant to somehow dictate to rock kids, purists, angry teenage boys and gullible internetters that those that play guitars are somehow far superior to those that don’t. It’s an us-against-them mentality that you can find as far reaching as macros comparing Queen to Beyonce and BuzzFeed’s 2011 list lamenting the fact that those poor, helpless guitar-slingers like R.E.M. and Jimi Hendrix never sold as much as Rihanna or Ke$ha like it has any impact on the music itself.
People will get so caught up in this imaginary war – a war, it’s worth mentioning, that the people they are trying to detract from would barely have any idea of – that they will believe anything that comes under their nose. Even recently, a satirical news website called The Daily Currant ran an article about Kanye West, claiming that he believed he was the next Nelson Mandela. Despite being next to headlines such as Woman Kills Three For Last X-Box at Chicago Wal-Mart and NASA Finds Message From God on Mars, the article spread like wildfire. The collective reaction was that of disgust, outrage and slander towards Kanye – and let’s keep in mind that this was over something he didn’t even say. Imagine what happens when he actually speaks.
Just for kicks, I wanted to take the above macro regarding “influential” musicians showing us how ROK N ROL IZ M@D KOOL and that the pop kids r fagz.
MetallicaA 90-year-old wrote to Metallica, wanting to meet her favourite band. The band immediately visited the 90-year-old in her nursing home.
So, the factoid they’ve put here is almost true. The woman in question, a Floridian woman named Margaret Priebe, did indeed get to meet Metallica. However, the woman was 85 at the time and never wrote to the band – her story of using the band’s music during her recovery from cancer ultimately made its way back to the band. It wasn’t an “immediate” response, either – the band met Priebe at a meet-and-greet prior to their show in Tampa; and not at her nursing home.
The twisting of the facts here makes it seem as though Metallica would drop anything if it meant a little old lady wanted to hang out with them. The reality, while still lovely in its own right, is a little more realistic.
Singer Kurt Cobain often stayed up until around three in the morning responding to fan mail. The band also played at various GLBT events to raise awareness of gay rights.
This is a peculiar one. I could not find any instance of such specific information being freely available on the internet. Did the person that created this have to clutch at straws so much that they had to make this up? Honestly, if anyone has a link to an article or anything that confirms the above, I would truly love to see it. I did find some interesting information about Kurt being bullied because kids at school thought he was gay. That’s all I’ve got.
A fan wrote a letter to the band just before committing suicide. Touched, the band wrote “Adam’s Song” to honour the him [sic].
This one is completely false. Adam’s Song was written by bassist/vocalist Mark Hoppus detailing the frustrations that came with guitarist Tom DeLonge being away from his then-girlfriend (now wife); as well as an article detailing a teenager’s suicide note to their parents. Despite the somewhat dark subject matter, the song is ultimately a triumph; an anti-suicide ode that shows that life can be worth living in order to get to the better parts. So now you know.
In 2010 in Mississippi, a school prom was cancelled after staff found out a lesbian couple would be attending the prom together. Outraged by the homophobia, the band Green Day payed [sic] to hold the prom at a different location for all the students.
Credit where credit is due, this one is almost entirely true. Originally, it was simply the lesbian student herself that was not allowed to come to the prom; with the original prom being cancelled entirely once she persisted that she be allowed to attend. It’s worth mentioning, however, that Green Day were not the sole party responsible for the “second chance” prom – they also had unlikely help from *NSYNC’s Lance Bass and Cat Cora from the US version of The Iron Chef. Again, by cherry-picking and leaving out the facts, this makes Green Day look like the white knights.
Here’s where things get interesting.
A very sick patient in Britain had a Make-a-Wish to see a One Direction concert. The group refused after finding out that they would not be payed [sic] money to do so.
This one threw me so much that it actually took me awhile to find out what the fuck the macro was referencing. Typing “one direction make a wish” into Google brought me plenty of evidence that the 1D boys are very charitable and spend a lot of time with the foundation and its patients. Eventually, I found a Yahoo! Answers page dealing specifically with this urban legend. It turns out that the rumour began by means of a fake Facebook screencap, and there was absolutely no further evidence to support it. I found a link to a nice little photo of Niall Horan posing with Niamh Power, an eight-year-old cancer patient; along with absolutely no mention of payment either involved or requested. Isn’t it amazing what you can find out simply by doing more than clicking once?
It’s now time for the cream of the crop. It’s time for Macro Man to take his savage beating of those that dare not to be FKN R3@L MUZISHUNZ into Bieber territory. Like every brave keyboard-slingin’ soldier from about 2009 onward, Macro Man has taken some vague truths, blanket statements and flat-out lies and run forth with them. Let’s see what we have on offer here, blow-by-blow.
Justin Bieber (DUN, DUN, DUNNNNNNN)
Spit on fans over a balcony.
This is a reference to this. I found this hilarious, because if you currently have a functioning brain then you would be easily aware how this could not possibly be true. Out-of-sequence photos aside, how could they get a distant photo of Bieber spitting off the balcony and then an extreme-close-up of the fans? Most of Justin’s fans may have been born yesterday, but I certainly wasn’t.
Did absolutely nothing to stop a large group of his fanbase cutting themselves.
Fucking hell. Really? You TRULY believed this one? An elaborate and impressive hoax from the 4chan community (still crazy after all these years, those guys), this was bitched from the start. Fake profiles, stock photos… essentially, this was #BaldForBieber 2: Electric Boogaloo.
Was allowed into a skydiving park for free, as long as he advertised for it. He did no advertising and trashed the place.
Well, Macro Man has dug around in the dirt long enough to find something vaguely based in reality. JB did indeed go to an indoor skydiving park and is indeed not allowed back. As for trashing the place, though, this report from E! Online is all I could find:
One security member allegedly made a mess around the sink, then threw his paper towel on the ground while directly looking at an employee.
HOLD UP, WE GOT A BADASS OVER HERE!
So, not only was it not Bieber himself, it was hardly what one would define as a “trashing.”
It’s at this juncture, before I get to the last two things Macro Man goes in on, that I should point out that I am by no means putting on rose-tinted glasses when it comes to Bieber. I admit that I am quite a fan of his music, particularly his later output, and have enjoyed his live shows despite reports of excessive tardiness (oh, grow up). With that said, I am more than willing to speak out against him… should the issue be clear and the facts clearer. Here, they are not. Like many celebrities, the culture behind Bieber-watching is so primitive and obsessive that it needs constant updating and content creation – emphasis there on “creation.” Give an inch, and a mile will be taken.
Disrespected Anne Frank in her own house.
Wait, what exactly was disrespectful about staying over an hour at the Anne Frank House, keeping away from the paparazzi and being a far more polite and attentive visitor than he was at the indoor skydiving joint? Oh, right, the guestbook thing. For those of you that missed it:
Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a Belieber.
Naturally, the warriors took to their keyboards like torches and pitchforks to express the utter outrage at the very idea that, were she a young girl in today’s world, she too would have been a fan of his. Only those that would have actually known a little more about Frank and her life picked up some semblance of what Justin was talking about.
This article in The New Yorker from Matt Weinstock sums it up excellently.
When Justin Bieber visited the Anne Frank House last Friday, he must have noticed that the walls were tattooed with film-star photos. Anne swapped them in and out from her collection as she tired of them, and among those in Anne’s last rotation are images of Ginger Rogers, Garbo, and Rudy Vallee. (There’s also a small postcard of chimps drinking tea.) For Bieber, it probably seemed like a paleontological variation on his 2011 “Ellen”-sponsored visit to the poster-covered bedroom of one of his endearing, jackrabbitish fans. For the past few days, the pop singer has been the object of trumped-up media vitriol for his entry in the Anne Frank House guestbook (“Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber”), and for treating his visit to the annex like a pop-in on another fan, one who had perhaps just ducked out to grab a bit of sun—but, as Anne’s stepsister Eva Schloss observed, “It’s so childish. She probably would have been a fan…. They make a lot of fuss about everything that is connected with Anne Frank.”
Don’t they, Eva? Don’t they.
One more for the road:
Said “rape happens for a reason.”
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong, wrong, Wrongity McWrong with a side-tray of wrongness and a large wrong drink.
To backtrack: This is in reference to a Rolling Stone interview originally from 2011. Outrage arose when the-then-sixteen-year-old was quizzed on his sexual, political and religious beliefs. For whatever reason, talk turned to abortion; which ultimately ended in Bieber saying that “I guess I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.” That should have been the end of it there – besides the obviously uncomfortable position of asking a 16-year-old boy about fucking abortion, it was the phrasing in the article that really sent people into a spin:
“I really don’t believe in abortion,” Bieber says. “It’s like killing a baby?” How about in cases of rape? “Um. Well, I think that’s really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I guess I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.”
Due to what was claimed to be an “editing error,” the quote was incomplete. Here’s what Justin actually said:
“Well, I think that’s really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I don’t know how that would be a reason. I guess I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.”
So, to conclude, Justin Bieber does not think – nor did he say – that rape happens for a reason. Yes, I disagree with his stance on the abortion issue, but I am an adult with an idea of what I am talking about. Justin was sixteen at the time of this interview – if you’d have asked me the same question at sixteen, I probably would have said something similarly stupid.
There are plenty more myths and legends out there in regards to Justin, and I’m sure even more will come as he exits his teenage years in 2014. But, internet, seriously: This. Shit. Has. To. Stop. Rock bands aren’t exactly the saviours of the earth, either. You could easily flip this entire thing. Here, watch this:
Disrespected Top of the Pops (the nerve!) and trashed their equipment on a live talk show.
Claimed to be more together than ever before after reunion… then made shitty comeback album which was recorded completely separately.
Acted like grumpy old men at the iHeartRadio festival – fittingly enough, adding in the quote “I’m not fucking Justin Bieber.”
Raised millions for charity with their Comic Relief single One Way or Another (Teenage Kicks). Donated 200 thousand pounds to the Stand Up For Cancer foundation. Have also worked with Greenpeace, the Alzheimer’s Association and Trekstock among other organisations.
Has had his work and career satirised on Saturday Night Live, Funny or Die and Between Two Ferns. Is a remarkable drummer. Is a spokesperson for PETA and promotes/supports volunteering at animal shelters. Donated $100,000 to the Whitney Elementary School in Las Vegas as well as $100,000 worth of toys to the children. He also performed a free acoustic concert in the school hall. Supports charities working to create schooling for children in third world countries. Probably cares a lot more about his fans than Green Day or blink-182 do these days.
Let that sink in for a minute, Macro Man.